by Betsy Steward

I’ve been a fundraising professional since I was hired for my first development job in 2007. In the first chapter of my work life, though, I was a professional opera singer for nearly 20 years. In a previous blog, I wrote about lessons I learned in my opera career that apply to fundraising—in particular, how to handle rejection. 

In today’s blog, I’ll write about the way singers mentally prepare for performance. Similar preparation can help you succeed when you ask for a gift.

Because “asking” is just that… a performance.

Today’s blog is not about thoroughly researching your donors or structuring your talking points, although both of those activities are critically important, too.

No, today’s blog is about your solicitation performance, focusing on your personal, internal preparation. Covid lockdowns don’t get you off the hook! Asking is asking, whether in person, over the phone, or on a video call. Personal preparation is critical.

See your donor as your partner, not your adversary

You both share the goal of making the world a better place. You’re on the same side. As a singer, it often helped me to remember that the audience wanted me to sing well. No one wants to suffer through a painful performance. It’s the same with donors… no one wants to watch you squirm and fumble for the right words, and no one wants their time wasted. Donors want you to succeed when you ask.

Use your imagination to visualize success 

Like many performers, before any performance, I used the technique of visualizing myself singing magnificently on stage. I use that same technique before asking for a big gift. I imagine the donor saying yes to my request and getting excited about my project. Visualizing helps relax me so that my body language and tone of voice communicate joy, gratitude and generosity. 

Practice, practice, practice…

The words we use when asking for big gifts are not words that normally come out of our mouths, are they? I mean, how often in your life have you said (with a straight face), “And do you think you could give us fifty thousand dollars?” 

The solution is to practice saying it, just like singers practice before they get up onstage.

Once you have your talking points prepared, practice saying them out loud, with the person who will go to the meeting with you, or, if you’ll be going alone, with a helpful colleague. 

Rather than memorizing the exact talking points, make sure you know the gist of them in the right order. As you practice, play around with language to find the most authentic way of making your case. “Talking points” often evolve in this process to something much more genuine and inspiring than the original script you created. Finding different ways to say them will keep it fresh.

There’s one exception: the ask itself. I recommend that you memorize and practice the ask, and don’t stray from the language you have decided on. The nervousness of the moment can throw you off—but not if you’ve said the ask out loud one hundred times.

Let your talking points evolve and get yourself prepared with a process like this one:

4 days before the meeting: 20-minute exercise with a partner

• Read the talking points (including the ask) out loud to each other, with one person playing the role of the donor (by asking questions) and the other playing the solicitor

• Switch parts and repeat

• Do it enough times to feel ready to do it without looking at the script

• Say (instead of reading) the talking points out loud to each other, switching roles 

The second and third days before the meeting: 10-minute exercise by yourself

• Read the talking points out loud to yourself

• Say the talking points out loud without looking at the script, perhaps in front of a mirror 

1 day before the meeting: 20-minute exercise with a partner

• Meet to read and say the talking points out loud to each other, again switching roles

Right before the meeting, read through the talking points one final time. And then you can relax and enjoy the conversation, knowing you’re fully prepared to “pop the question” when the right moment arrives.

Don’t wait until the last minute to prepare 

An extraordinary thing happens to performers. We practice and then go about our day. When we come back the next day, we’re just better at whatever we practiced. Even if we skip a few days, it’s better. It’s what I call “baking time”: there is something that happens deep within us that improves just because we “slept on it.” My theory is that our brains and energy sources “digest” whatever it is that we practice, and it just naturally improves. So, when it’s possible, start your preparation well in advance of the meeting. Just like learning to play an instrument or speaking a new language, it’s more effective to practice 10 minutes every day than it is to practice for an hour once a week.

Replace fearful thinking with a mantra…and don’t forget to BREATHE

Singers and fundraisers both have to learn to handle stage fright. Performing—whether on stage or in a donor’s living room—takes a lot of guts! Fear can be unconscious…but I could always tell I was scared when I noticed I wasn’t breathing! Remembering to breathe… and knowing you’re prepared helps immensely. 

Acknowledging fear helps diminish it. Repeating a mantra helped drown it out and calm me down. Here’s one that has worked well for me: “I am asking on behalf of people who cannot ask.” Fear can be intimidating, but it doesn’t have to dominate. So you’re scared. So what. Ask anyway.

Practice actually does “make perfect.” Remember what Abraham Lincoln said: “I will prepare and someday my chance will come.”

Good luck! And enjoy yourself! Asking, like singing, is rewarding in so many ways.

Betsy Steward previously served as a Senior Consultant at the Heller Fundraising Group. Betsy is an expert in capital campaigns, board training, nonprofit organization, major donor cultivation, solicitation and stewardship.