How to Handle “No” from a Nonprofit Donor: Fundraising Skills I Learned in my Opera Career

by Betsy Steward

I’ve been a fundraising professional since I was hired for my first development job in 2007, after earning my Certificate in Fundraising from NYU in 2006. Before the current chapter of my work life started, I was a professional opera singer for nearly 20 years. (If you’re interested, you can learn about my singing experiences here: My LinkedIn Profile)

You might be surprised to learn that my experience in opera provided me with many of the most valuable tools and perspectives that I bring to my fundraising clients. 

At the top of my list of transferrable skills is knowing how to handle rejection. In the opera world, conventional wisdom says that, if you sing ten auditions and get one job, you’re ahead of the game. Think about that: “ten auditions resulting in one job” means NINE rejections. 

I sang a lot of auditions and got hired a lot, but I got rejected a lot more. Hearing “no” so many times inspires a person to either give up or get tough. Rejection teaches valuable lessons, like these: 

Everyone is entitled to an opinion…but it’s just an opinion.

Opinions are not “right” or “wrong”: they are subjective. Just because the person I sang for didn’t choose me is no reason to conclude that no one else will, or even that the same person never will. In fact, I auditioned annually for one prestigious company four years in a row before I was hired. I learned perspective and perseverance—fundamental tools in both singing and fundraising.

Translated to fundraising: Opinions abound, in opera AND in philanthropy. When viewed from a philanthropist’s vantage point, some charitable opportunities resonate more strongly than others. Your well-run nonprofit may have a terrific mission, but maybe it’s not the mission that meets the need or passion of your philanthropist right at this moment. It doesn’t mean your mission and nonprofit aren’t worthy, or that no one will ever support you. If you knock on a door and get the wrong answer, knock again… or knock on another door.

Don’t assume rejection is your fault. 

You don’t get feedback from an audition. You either get hired or you don’t—the phone rings with good news, or the phone just doesn’t ring. Of course, I had to constantly evaluate my own singing. Just as important, though, was making sure my mind didn’t work overtime trying to justify or make sense of rejections. Accepting that “no” rarely comes with an explanation is part of the discipline of performing.

I came to realize that rejection often had very little to do with my personal performance: Perhaps the tenor who had already been cast was shorter than I am—not a good look on stage. Or maybe the director had a headache the day I sang for him. Or it could have been what I liked to call “the ex-wife” problem: you killed it at the audition, you were obviously perfect for the role, but you didn’t get cast… because you look just like the conductor’s ex-wife. 

Translated to fundraising: There are countless reasons that a donor might say no to a solicitation or a meeting request that are beyond your control. You may never know their reasons, but it may or may not have anything at all to do with you or your nonprofit. Don’t overthink it.

Don’t assume you know the outcome till you know for sure.

I once made a costly mistake by jumping to a negative conclusion. I had auditioned several times for the same important opera company. After my last audition, I was convinced I had sung badly, and that they were NEVER going to hire me. So, rather than giving them time to reach out to me, I signed a contract with another, less distinguished company. Imagine my dismay when I arrived home from the post office after mailing my signed contract to the smaller company to find a better offer for the same summer season from the more esteemed company in my mailbox! Damn.

Translated to fundraising: When a donor doesn’t answer your call, resist the temptation to jump to a conclusion. You don’t know what’s going on in the donor’s life. Until they actually tell you they’re not interested in hearing from you, you don’t know how they feel about your request. Perhaps the donor is on vacation. Maybe she’s down with the flu. Possibly they’re just BUSY. Unless the donor actually expresses concrete negative opinions about you or your nonprofit, you should not assume anything, no matter how long it takes for your call to be returned or your email answered. Don’t jump to a conclusion!

Rejection teaches resilience. 

A singer gets a lot of practice trying, failing, and trying again—and that’s a really important skill, in singing, in fundraising, and in life. Just like a toddler learning to walk—which involves falling many times before successfully walking—you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, get ready for the next audition, and move closer to your goal.

Translated to fundraising: When a donor says “no”, you should try to find out why, if that’s possible, but if it’s not—and it often isn’t—move on. It’s your job to keep working to find support for your mission. So, when one donor doesn’t respond or doesn’t say what you hoped to hear, put your focus on the next potential donor rather than on your disappointment.

Passion isn’t affected by rejection. 

Rejection—unpleasant as it was—never altered my passion for singing or my love of music. It never changed my motivation to perform.

Translated to fundraising: “No” from a donor doesn’t have anything to do with your organization’s mission, or the needs of the people you serve. Does a donor’s rejection really change your thinking about your work or their needs? I hope not.

Find Your Courage.

It takes a lot of courage to sing. Imagine standing on a stage, singing by yourself, with no microphone—opera singers generally don’t use them, except to record—with anywhere from a handful to several thousand people in the audience, singing very complicated and difficult music, memorized and in a language that is not your native tongue. How do you spell S-T-R-E-S-S-F-U-L. The only way I ever had the nerve to do it was through extensive preparation…and staying in touch with the joy of it. 

Translated to fundraising: It takes a lot of courage to ask for money, too. Just like in singing, preparation is key. Knowing the compelling reasons that will inspire your donor—and practicing until you feel comfortable saying “the ask” out loud—allow you to overcome your fears and tap into your genuine belief in the mission. You can thrive in the solicitation meeting, if you’re prepared and you stay in touch with the joy of fundraising. 

Singers choose to deal with the stress because music is so important to them. For me, any fear of performing was always outweighed by the joy of singing. It’s a blast. Just like the rewards in singing, the rewards in fundraising—changing lives—far outweigh the fear of asking for support. Fundraising is a blast, too.

Betsy Steward previously served as a Senior Consultant at the Heller Fundraising Group. Betsy is an expert in capital campaigns, board training, nonprofit organization, major donor cultivation, solicitation and stewardship.